This week on the Straight Truth podcast, host Dr. Josh Philpot tells us anyone who has been married for any length of time knows that in marriage you will face difficulties and challenges. Sometimes it’s as simple as disagreeing over something small and then getting along despite the disagreement. Knowing these things, could a Christian still choose a spouse that isn’t right for them? If a Christian follows and satisfies all the parameters outlined in Scripture for taking a spouse, is it possible that they may have married the wrong person? This is the focus of this week’s discussion between Dr. Richard Caldwell and host Dr. Josh Philpot.

Dr. Caldwell says the Bible never uses that kind of language or even addresses marriage from that kind of perspective. The standard Scripture sets forth is “only in the Lord”. This is the standard for all Christians who are seeking to be married – someone who is a Christian, walking with Christ, and both ready for marriage. It would be wrong later, after your married, to be thinking you married the wrong person. This is actually very dangerous thinking. The day that you married, that person became the right one. Now, you are called to live in and preserve that marriage in ways that please Christ. Marriage, according to the Scriptures is for a lifetime.

Happy or Unhappy For A Lifetime

You are either going to be happy or unhappy for a lifetime, but either way, you are going to be together for a lifetime. He goes on to gives lots of food for thought when we begin to think or say things about our marriages like this. He shares that marriage is one of the greatest tools that God uses to sanctify people. He also exhorts us to not use verbal phrases and sayings that he sees as dangerous for our marriages. Saying they aren’t only dangerous, but also unkind and sinful.

Dr. Philpot states that often the words that people express during their difficulties, even introducing the possibility of divorce, all begins with a thought. The very question that’s being discussed for the podcast today is more about thought. Should Christians even be entertaining these kinds of thoughts?

Dr. Caldwell speaking plainly says no, Christians should not be thinking this way. Every bad decision we ever make emanates from the mind. The path that Christians are to pursue is disciplining our thoughts to agree with Scripture. We must go to God’s Word and ask what does the Bible say and teach about marriage. Throughout the Scriptures, God’s standards for marriage do not change. What we find in His Word is what God commands and demands of us in that union. We must shut any doors of our minds that have been opened to disagreeing with the Word of God. Our minds must be disciplined to agree with the Scriptures. When we don’t, we are standing on very dangerous ground.

Be Content In The Lord

Dr. Philpot asks if marriages would be stronger if both parties in the marriage committed themselves to be content in the Lord. Shouldn’t we be finding joy and happiness in life through knowing and belonging to Christ, rejoicing in the good things in life we get to experience just because of God’s goodness towards us, instead of dwelling on thoughts that only make us miserable, and lead to more misery?

Dr. Caldwell agrees that this is ought to be our pursuit. He shares that one of the best things couples can do for their marriage relationship is to live the Christian life at home. We can take the general teachings of Scripture about Christian life and bring them into our home and live them out there before each other and the Lord. Dr. Caldwell gives an example from Philippians 4 and explains how it holds true in marriage. He also gives examples of exercises he uses when counseling those with marriage issues, relating that these are often helpful in changing people’s point of view.

Something he’s noticed, especially with those having extended conflict in marriage, is that we forget how blessed we are, we forget what we are thankful for in the other person, we neglect to remember. Our thought life not only leads to wrong thinking and wrong speaking, but it also leads to wrong behaviors and actions. In not remembering, we actually starve the other person from the knowledge of how much we love them.