This week on the Straight Truth Podcast, host Dr. Josh Philpot asks Dr. Richard Caldwell about jealousy. He shares that we find this word used throughout the Bible. In the Scripture’s use of the word jealous, we find different aspects and understandings. We know from the Old Testament that God describes himself as a jealous God. In other places in the Scriptures, when in people, jealousy appears nearly always as sinful. Can jealousy ever be a good thing for people to have? Can a husband or wife have good and right jealousy for their spouse? How should a husband or wife navigate the inward thoughts and feelings of jealousy associated with one’s spouse? Is there a right way to address these issues and concerns?

Dr. Caldwell says the word jealous, found in the Bible, has more than one meaning, to which Dr. Philpot has already alluded. Christians can have a kind of jealousy that is appropriate because God is a jealous God, which is mentioned several times in the Old Testament. Dr. Caldwell reads and discusses Exodus 20:5. He tells us that on God’s part, what God requires is what He has a right to require. What He requires of His people is right; it is holy, fitting, and good. So, there is a proper kind of watchfulness, protectiveness, care, and concern that belongs to the realm of what is right; holy, fitting, and good. In the bonds of marriage, there is this same sort of thing.

It is right that a husband or wife be bothered by someone flirting with their spouse. It is right that husbands and wives help and encourage each other to be wise and mindful about their interactions with members of the opposite sex. Husbands and wives ought to be diligent in guarding their marriage and the marriage bed, which is holy. These are healthy kinds of protectiveness, care, and concern. But there is also that which is not good. There is a different sort of jealousy that has a very different meaning. This jealousy involves insecurity, fear, inappropriate ownership over a person, control, and suspicion. It is an entirely different thing, and usually, it is what people refer to when they talk of being jealous. This kind of jealousy is the sinful desire of the flesh that sets itself against the work of the Spirit. Galatians 5 informs us it is a work of the flesh, and in James, we are taught that jealousy brings disorder and all sorts of evil (James 3:16).

Dr. Caldwell says that the question regarding jealousy, where a spouse is concerned, envisions someone where a failure has occurred in the marriage. It may be that the person is battling something they know is wrong, yet they don’t know what to do about it. Dr. Caldwell points to trusting in the Lord, not making an idol out of the person they are married to, and understanding forgiveness properly. Sin has consequences and repercussions. Sin brings its own set of pains and often results in our experiencing conflict. The forgiveness God gives for sin is real forgiveness, and it is full forgiveness. But, His forgiveness does not save us from all the aftermath of our sin. So, depending on where the issue lies, whether with this person or their spouse, it is still about forgiveness. Forgiveness must be understood and either accepted or extended.

Dr. Caldwell also mentioned not making an idol out of our spouse. He tells us that this also needs to be rightly understood. The world doesn’t end when our spouse doesn’t live up to our standards. Sometimes, he says, we experience these fears, suspicions, and more because we have a misplaced emphasis on the person to whom we are married. We have taken a sense of priority, trust, and satisfaction that we ought to know in God and transferred it to our spouse. When we do this, our greatest fear in life becomes losing that sense of stability and satisfaction that we have invested in a person who could be here today and gone tomorrow.

Therefore, we need to ask ourselves if the attitudes and feelings we have and are experiencing are biblical. If they are not, we need to identify them for what it is; sin that needs to be confessed and forsaken. Are we trusting the Lord with these feelings and attitudes, or are we experiencing fear? We must surrender our fears to Him and put our trust in Him. And this, says Dr. Caldwell, is how we deal with and overcome sinful jealousy.