This week on the Straight Truth Podcast, we’ve put together an episode that compiles several questions concerning marriage, role responsibilities in marriage, and some concerning family and home life. While the questions that can be asked about marriage are varied and many, this podcast can’t and won’t cover them all. But those addressed today will be a helpful guide for thinking biblically about many we do have. Join in as Dr. Josh Philpot and Dr. Richard Caldwell tackle some difficult; and even controversial issues regarding marriage roles and the responsibilities that need to be taken seriously and faithfully applied in marriages.

Dr. Caldwell begins by sharing some key and most important information for husbands and wives. The husband is the head and is to be the leader of the family and home; the wife is his helper. Both husband and wife must take seriously all the things God has given in His Word about what living as husbands and wives are to be. They must each take these things to heart and strive to live them out in the power of the Spirit of God to be godly models and examples to their children and others in all that they do. Husbands and wives will glorify God and love each other and their children best when they embrace the roles God has assigned them in His Word.

But what if the husband does not lead or is an inconsistent leader? What if he abuses his position and makes poor decisions? Does the wife, who is more spiritual, go on submitting when the husband fails to be what God calls him to be? Dr. Caldwell says that a husband is to do his best, and a wife has to trust that God is at work even through those mistakes that are made; God is often at work through these difficult things to sanctify both of you. Husbands and wives must learn to love each other despite failures. There is the need to be patient with one another and to trust God as they live out their roles in obedience to Him. 

What if a wife particularly struggles as she sees her husband not fulfilling those things God has assigned to him? Dr. Caldwell says there are things that the Christian wife needs to remember. One of the most important things she can do is pray for her husband. She can appeal to him in loving, appropriate ways, sharing the concerns and issues that trouble and burden her. She can ask him to read the Bible and pray with her. She can ask him to consider reaching out to a leader in their church for help and discipleship, as well as doing this herself. It is also important that a wife encourage her husband and give him time and space to grow and mature in his role as a leader. This will be especially true if she is more advanced in her Christian walk. There may be hardships that come as a result of the husband not doing what he ought to and not being willing to consider input from his wife. Even so, God is at work through these things; we can survive them, and the Lord can grow us through them.

Dr. Caldwell says that men must remember that along with the responsibility to provide and protect, they are also called to be teachers in the home. He says that husbands can’t feel satisfied by achieving well in one realm if they’re neglecting another. If a man is doing well in providing for his family but neglecting his other God-given responsibilities to his wife and children, he is failing. While a man may work hard and provide well for his family, there is often a sense of safety, forgetting who his provider is. Our provider is the Lord; He calls us to make our living for Him preeminent. This means that when a man comes home after a long day of work, he needs to make sure he has enough left over to invest in his wife and children. At the end of a vocational workday, a man’s work has not ended. Men need to be prepared to be givers and to sacrifice so that they will be able to serve their families in ways that honor and glorify God. Dr. Caldwell shares that men can actually rob themselves of joy when they pamper themselves instead of working hard at the things God has assigned to them.

What about the woman, as a wife and mother? Is a woman supposed to be like the Proverbs 31 woman? Is a woman to be a worker at home caring for her children and home, as she also works from that home to meet the needs of her family and the needs of others? How can a woman maintain a healthy balance as she tries to keep up with all these things?

Dr. Caldwell says that the Proverbs 31 woman represents a goal and ambition to which a godly woman can strive. But even the godly woman who embraces biblical womanhood can become overly preoccupied with being industrious from her home and become a workaholic. Women, like men, says Dr. Caldwell, must remember that God has given them multiple things they are responsible for. It is possible for women also to easily find themselves out of balance in one area or another. When a woman becomes aware that she might be doing this, she needs to turn to the Word of God and receive the correctives it gives. Success as a mom, wife, and woman is not an immaculately kept home, perfectly dressed and behaved children, dinner on the table at 6 p.m., children tucked in bed at 8 p.m., and then a relaxing soak in a Calgon bubble bath at 9 p.m. We must be realistic about our circumstances and the stages of life we find ourselves in. Women, just as men, must take to heart everything God has assigned to them. They must work hard to keep those things proportional and give their very best to each of those areas in a way that represents the multiple assignments they’ve been given.

Dr. Caldwell says that roles and responsibilities in a home can unintentionally become reversed and usurped. One of the ways this can easily occur is when a woman whose children are grown and out of the house goes to work outside the home. Understandably a woman might need to do this due to financial needs or other circumstances, and it isn’t wrong or sinful. But husbands and wives want to go about this carefully so that their roles are not reversed and confused. However, if a woman has extra time on her hands and doesn’t need to work, Dr. Caldwell says there are other things she might consider doing. He suggests discipling and mentoring younger women and coming alongside other women who could use help in various ways. He also suggests that a woman should consider her local church, where there are ministries she can get plugged into and serve to be a great help. There may even be other places a woman can give herself to that she finds satisfying and that also contribute to advancing the kingdom of God in some way.