Should Christians use online dating services or dating apps? At what point does a woman stop submitting to her father and begin submitting to the man she is going to marry? Should a professing Christian marry someone of a different faith? Since marriage and singleness are both given by God, why are singles often seen as not really into life yet by not being married? How can the Church help foster a better understanding of singleness?

This week on the Straight Truth Podcast, Dr. Josh Philpot has a plethora of questions for Dr. Richard Caldwell. The subject matters covered today begin with questions about dating and end with a discussion about singleness, both being single and possibly remaining single. Join and listen in on the conversation as they seek to shine the light of God’s Word on these questions with wisdom, grace, and truth.

Following are some of the highlights and specific answers to a few of the questions asked:

Dr. Caldwell says that when we think about the biblical standards for marriage for Christians, it is to marry someone who is in Christ. Our desire should be to find someone who is in the Lord and eligible to be married according to biblical standards. He doesn’t believe it is sinful to use dating services and apps, nor should we automatically rule them out as Christians. However, he shares that while a dating service or app might help us to meet someone initially, we aren’t able to know anything about that individual’s spiritual life. We would have to spend time with them, getting to know them, and looking for genuine evidence of spiritual life being manifested in their life. What’s most important is what you believe as Christians. There will be thousands of subjects and questions that will need to be talked about. This will take time and effort that can present some challenging difficulties, especially if you don’t live in the same city or town.

Although, having shared this, Dr. Caldwell says that these are things that you will find and know about someone in your local church. He believes we will not improve upon the local church as that place where you will find the person you’re going to marry someday. It’s a community of faith where you get to know one another and where your lives are being lived out together as Christians.

Should a Christian woman submit to the man she is dating or should that happen when they are engaged to be married and beyond the courtship stage?

Dr. Caldwell explains that the submission that exists in a marriage is that of two roles that belong to a covenant relationship; a one flesh bond of a head and a helper. This is exclusive to marriage and doesn’t exist in a dating relationship or in courtship. To grasp all that Dr. Caldwell shares, it’s important to understand what submission is and what it’s not. Submission involves submitting ourselves to understanding and living out the roles that God has designed for us in each sphere of our lives. As Dr. Caldwell has mentioned elsewhere, it is about design, function, and our well-being. Proper submission is submission that accords with truth. All women who aren’t married, no matter their age, whether living at home or not, will want to be submissive to their fathers. This will involve the willingness to be inclined to counsel, oversight, guidance, wisdom, and leadership. However, if and when a woman marries, her headship role changes and her father is no longer her head and direct authority.

How important is it for a man and woman wanting to get married to each other that each of them has kept themselves pure for marriage?

Dr. Caldwell shares that the will of God given in Scripture is that a man and a woman who come together in marriage is that they have kept themselves for each other in marriage. Ideally, it is to have known no one else sexually. This is a wonderful, glorious pathway, and we don’t want to diminish it in any way. This should be the aim of every believer as they pursue this pathway for a lifetime.

Yet, having said this, Dr. Caldwell reminds us that sin is forgiven by Christ. When sin is forgiven, it’s forgiven; truly and forever, it is forgiven. A marriage is not immediately off-limits because one person is a virgin and the other isn’t. What is important here is that both individuals are believers and are biblically qualified to be married. The real deal breaker would be a Christian wanting to get married to an unbeliever. The Bible is clear, a believer is not to marry an unbeliever. There may be other reasons to postpone or put off a marriage. All concerns about marriage should be carefully examined and addressed with God’s Word, along with seeking wisdom, counsel, and insight from godly family members and those godly members and elders in our local church.

Other questions Dr. Caldwell answers regarding potential marriage situations and circumstances include: Should we attend the wedding of a professing Christian who marries someone of a different faith? What if we have an unbelieving family member marrying someone who is not a Christian; can we participate in the preparations and attend the wedding? The answers he gives to these questions are insightful and helpful as we think through challenging scenarios. But ultimately, what Dr. Caldwell wants us to remember is that there is a standard that is different for the person who professes to know Jesus compared to the person who doesn’t. We need to know this and deeply grasp why this is so.

How should we think about singleness, young singles, and those who are older and have not yet or possibly never will be married?

Dr. Caldwell states that the Church should not hold to wrong perspectives of singleness. We should not expect that not everyone is going to get married. The Scriptures teach that singleness is a gift given by God (see 1 Cor.7:7, Matt. 19:10-12), so we want to resist thinking that singleness is in any way not part of God’s good and perfect design. One of the things that can be done, says Dr. Caldwell, is to teach what the Bible teaches about singleness. Those individuals who are single and not currently married in our churches ought to be included in all areas of church life. We should not be so compartmentalized in our thinking and doing; we all have something to contribute to one another.

The Bible teaches that there are benefits to being single. Some advantages of being single in church life and ministry include freedom with respect to time, travel, finances, and concerns. Dr. Caldwell says that singleness will distinctly show its advantages in times of persecution when circumstances become more difficult in our culture.