How do I pursue someone of the opposite sex I’m interested in? What’s the most important thing I should consider in my pursuit? Is it wrong to marry someone who doesn’t share my faith, has a different religion or no religion at all? What about singleness, is it wrong to be or stay single?

These questions and more are discussed on this week’s compiled episode of the Straight Truth Podcast. Dr. Richard Caldwell and host Dr. Josh Philpot wade into some deep water when it comes to Christian singles and the issues they face in being single, in their pursuit of love and marriage, whether to remain single or get married and how to remain faithful to the Lord as they go about navigating their lives.

First and foremost Dr. Caldwell says that we need to be clear in our hearts and minds, we need to be right with God. We need to have a clear conception and conviction of what being a Christian is, because if we are a Christian, it means that Christ is our life. The Apostle Paul says, “For me to live is Christ and to die is gain.” So when we begin to think of sharing our life with another person, we need to be thinking about the standards that God has outlined in His Word, the Christians’ guide for a life of godliness.

The Standard

Beginning with 1 Corinthians 7, Dr. Caldwell shows us that God’s standard for a Christian who wants to pursue marriage and get married is that they can, but only in the Lord. This is the standard, someone of the opposite sex who knows and loves Jesus Christ. He tells us that a believer’s standard should be that they would not even date someone who doesn’t know Jesus and that they would never compromise what they believe to have a relationship with another person. When we don’t do this and we pursue relationships and marriage outside the family of God, we set ourselves up for some very difficult problems.

We need to be thinking about what is primary in a marriage, not all the secondary stuff. It’s not that the secondary stuff doesn’t matter, as you think about attractive physical qualities and things you have in common, but these things will change over time. The primary thing is, do they genuinely love God; a person who genuinely loves God will have the capacity to love you, as you love them out of your love for God. Our pickiness when it comes to pursuing someone ought to be more on the spiritual and internal qualities that emanate from someone who truly loves the Lord.

Staying Single for a Long Time

Staying single for a long time and maybe even remaining single for life isn’t wrong, but it isn’t meant for all people and not all people have this ability that’s given by the Lord. The test is sexual immorality. With singleness comes sexual temptation. This is because, the only place where God has sanctioned and will bless a sexual relationship and sexual fulfillment, is in marriage, in the marriage bed. Our culture at large does not approach sex with this understanding. However, God’s Word is clear on this, any kind of sexual activity that happens outside of a marriage between one man and one woman, constitutes fornication and it’s sin.

Once you’re married, any sexual act or sexual relationship outside that marriage is adultery and it’s sin. Dr. Caldwell tells us this is a very serious matter and that we need to understand it is a gospel issue. He takes us to 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 and explains how the Apostle Paul teaches us that if these sins listed here describe a person’s habitual lifestyle, they are giving evidence that they are not part of God’s family, and they will not enter the kingdom of God. Thank God though, there’s forgiveness where there’s been failure; this then is a matter that relates to one’s sanctification.

We Live in a Materialistic Culture

Dr. Caldwell says because we live in a materialistic culture it tempts us and tries to teach us what the ideal situation for our life is. There’s this idea that we should not get married until we have everything lined up just so. It goes something like this: we want to make sure we finish college, become securely established in our profession, have all our finances in good order, and then, after these other things, we can consider adding someone to our lives. But, Dr. Caldwell wants to encourage young Christians to think differently about these things.

Dr. Caldwell wants young people to consider getting married younger, to consider having shorter engagement periods to eliminate sexual temptation and succumbing to sin, and also to consider growing up together and sharing life. He tells us that growing up together can be a very sweet thing, something he can attest to having been married now for 35 years.

Dr. Caldwell also gives us a quick word for those who may have already married and find themselves in a marriage where one is a believer and the other is not. He reminds us that 1 Corinthians 7 also speaks to this situation. If you are the believer and you love your spouse who is the unbeliever, and they are willing to stay, clearly understanding the circumstances, then you are to remain as you are. Do not seek to depart from your marriage, you are to love them and maintain the marriage being faithful to your commitment.

We Need to be Asking Questions Differently

To sum up these episodes Dr. Caldwell reminds us as Christians (those who profess to be in Christ) that we need to be asking questions differently. We need to think clearly and we need to think biblically. We need to ask, does this positively glorify God? Is this what God has designed? Is this what would most please Him? Am I striving for that which I know would please God or am I wanting to live as close to the edge of something that doesn’t please God? We need to ask ourselves, what’s my attitude in this matter.